Tip—Provide a consistent routine and regular support to help your child establish good study habits.
For some parents, homework time with their children is so unpleasant, they rate it their number one discipline problem. An otherwise cheerful, helpful, and reasonably responsible child suddenly turns into a walking scowl when it’s homework time.
Parenting Press author Shari Steelsmith recalls one of those: “My son, when in second grade, was in his third year of regular homework assignments. He hated it at the outset. In kindergarten, I sat him down for the first of the homework assignments. He picked up the worksheet, looked at it in disbelief, and said to me, ‘But Mom, this is work!’ He was outraged that anyone would expect him to do schoolwork at home. In his mind, schoolwork was for school, not for home.
Interestingly, I didn’t have trouble with him in the area of chores—he associated those with home. But to him, paper and pencil work belonged to the classroom. This very strong conviction on his part fueled the resentment, occasional tantrums, dawdling, and general bad attitude toward homework.
Tools—Two and a half years into my son’s homework career, I discovered a few things that make a difference. Some of these are pretty common ideas, but they do work—over time.
- Schedule a daily homework time. This never seemed to improve my son’s attitude of outrage and resentment, but I can see that the daily (enforced) experience of homework built a habit. It is so much easier to accomplish a task if it has become a habit. Further, homework—over the long term–builds self-discipline and teaches children to work independently. These are very valuable traits to help your child learn—worth enduring even frequent tantrums, I think.
- Provide support. Parent educator Elizabeth Crary, writes in her book, Pick Up Your Socks . . . and Other Skills Growing Children Need!, that people of all ages usually need support when trying to develop a habit. Young children need a parent nearby when doing homework to help keep them on task and answer any questions. Reminders and rewards are generally needed or helpful.
- I don’t know any second graders who voluntarily do their homework without a reminder (they may exist somewhere—if you have one, count your blessings!) You will probably need to remind children in the primary grades of homework time.
Most children respond favorably to praise and rewards.
- Find something good to say about your child’s homework. “Wow, look how neat that work is.” Or, “I like the way you remembered all your capitals and periods.” Or, “I appreciate how you worked out your own thoughts in this paper.” Give honest praise even if the child responds with a grumpy face or comment.
- You can reward your child for doing homework neatly, in a timely manner, with a pleasant attitude, or for whatever else he needs motivation. A sticker chart may works well for very young kids. You give a sticker each day the child meets his goal, then provide the reward when enough stickers are accumulated (make sure it’s not too long, or the child will get discouraged). A reward might be a lunch out with a parent, a toy the child wants, or a special playdate with a friend. The best reward I came up with for my son was candy. He especially hated and resisted practice spelling tests. Once I instituted “candy tests” (for every word he got right, he got a chocolate chip—for every wrong word, I got to eat a chocolate chip)—his resistance melted away.
Next week we will look at good family homework rules and possible consequences for those who break them.
You’ll find more practical tips you can use right now in Pick Up Your Socks . . . and Other Skills Growing Children Need! by Elizabeth Crary, M.S.
